MrMustard (mrmustard) wrote in oldjokes,

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Ten by Henny Youngman

1. "A guy calls his lawyer. He says, 'Can I ask you two questions?' Lawyer says, 'What's the second one?'"

2. "Two guys in a gym, one putting on a girdle. One guys says, 'Since when have you been wearing a girdle?' Other guy says, 'Since my wife found it in the glove compartment of our car.'"

3. "My doctor told me I was fat. I said I wanted a second opinion. He said, 'OK, you're ugly, too.'"

4. A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here."
"Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife."
"So you're single."

5. I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!

6. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

7. My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

8. My wife told me the car wasn't running well, there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake.

9. My wife got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

10. I just returned from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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